Are You The Work Mom on Your Team? It Might Be Hurting Your Career
This Mother’s Day, let’s talk about the “work mom” role—how we got there, what it’s costing us, and why it’s okay to let the team figure it out without you.
May 4, 2025
🌟 Welcome back to the Dreaming + Doing Sunday Digest, where we gather to restore, reflect, and prepare for the week ahead. Here’s the TL;DR (Too Long; Didn’t Read)
A story about the emotional labor of being the “work mom” and how Black women are conditioned into caregiving at the office.
A poll on where you fall on the “work mom” spectrum.
Hiring Trends to Know & Workplace wins and woes
Ask Ariane: Should you disclose your pregnancy in interviews?
A Throwback to Drew Barrymore’s Mamala moment and why that “sweet” gesture hit wrong for a lot of us.
This week’s Messy Mantra
Welcome back to the Dreaming + Doing Digest—Mother’s Day edition. Shout out to my mom, who’s probably reading this from her favorite seat in church when she should be paying attention to the sermon (hi, ma!). She’s always been my biggest supporter: when I came out as queer, she hugged me tight and said she loved me; when my book came out, she bought copies for all her friends like a proud publicist. But honestly, relationships with our mothers are never just Hallmark-card perfect. They’re layered. Sometimes joyful, sometimes tender, sometimes complicated as hell.
Today, I want to talk about something that rarely makes it into the Mother’s Day posts: the work mom. Nobody wants to be known as “the work mom,” But somehow it’s that role you slide into without realizing—until one day you look up and you’re the one everyone comes to for advice, support, emotional pep talks, or a “quick favor.”Can you relate? Sure, it feels good to be needed… until you realize you’re giving out free therapy and project managing all the things while barely keeping your own head above water.
For Black women especially, this dynamic runs deep. Studies show we’re often perceived as nurturing and endlessly resilient, whether we signed up for that or not (hello, old-school “Mammy” stereotypes still lurking in corporate spaces). And without realizing it, we sometimes feed into this because we’ve been conditioned to hold it down for everyone—at work, at home, in our communities. But being the go-to caretaker at work comes at a cost. Research shows women of color take on disproportionate “office housework” and relational labor, leading to burnout and fewer career advancement opportunities.
So, the question is: are you the work mom because you want to be, or because you don’t know who you are at work without being needed? And what might shift if you decided, just for once, to let the kids figure it out themselves?
Work Culture and Hiring Trends You Should Know
The administration removes Carla Hayden, the first Black woman Librarian of Congress.
Skims Co-founder says work-life balance is a YOU problem 😒.
AI tools to help you find your next job.
A Throwback:
Remember the time Drew Barrymore called Kamala Harris the nation’s “Mamala” during her presidential run? It was framed as sweet, but for many of us, especially Black women, it felt like a throwback to the mammy trope: comfort without boundaries, care without credit.
In nearly every office, there’s there’s always the woman—usually Black or Brown—who keeps tissues in her desk, snacks in her drawer, and the whole damn place emotionally afloat. She’s not your manager, but she mothers the team anyway. It’s not always by choice.
There’s an unspoken expectation that she’ll nurture, smooth things over, absorb tension, and show up with grace, while still being twice as good at her actual job. It’s invisible labor dressed up as “just who she is.”
Who was your office mom? Or have you quietly become her?
Ask Ariane: I’m expecting. Should I reveal my pregnancy status during interviews?
Short answer: only if you want to.
I’ve coached plenty of clients through this, and here’s the deal: under the Pregnancy Discrimination Act, you are considered a protected class and not legally required to disclose your pregnancy in an interview. Share it only if you feel safe and comfortable doing so.
And if their energy shifts the moment you do? That tells you everything you need to know. Your pregnancy is not a liability. A company that sees it as one? That’s the red flag—not you.
Messy Mantra for the Week (because healing is not linear)
That’s it for this week! If you enjoyed this, hit subscribe, and I’ll see you next week. Until then: you are enough. Always. ✨
Ariane
Book Me to Speak:
My talks challenge how we define work, urging us to unhook our worth from our jobs, question the “normal” work culture habits that keep us stuck, and expand our vision beyond corporate limits. I bring an informed, no-nonsense perspective rooted in 15 years of experience in career consulting, social impact and advocacy. As the author of Dreaming on Purpose, the Black woman’s career guide to building a liberated career without sacrificing her soul, I help audiences navigate career transitions with clarity, confidence, and ease. Hire me for keynotes, to facilitate powerful conversations and/or host fireside chats. To book me for your next event, reply to this email or visit:https://www.arianehunter.com/speaking.
At one of my previous jobs, the Black women did EVERYTHING. They would plan all the extra activities, volunteer unpaid hours at conferences, advocate for everyone, and got absolutely nothing in return. I encouraged them to all leave and they did, one by one. The place is a sinking ship now. Thank you for sharing!