For Black women at work, the demands on our mental and spiritual energy over time get to be too much. We're tasked with following up, circling back, taking the lead but not leading too much, and always being a “team player." One of the best lessons I’ve learned and continue to learn about how to be in the right relationship with myself is by always being honest. One of the worst things we can ever do is not be honest with ourselves about a truth that is staring us in the face and avoiding taking action. Not being honest with ourselves and with others is how we end up feeling overwhelmed and resentful. A new approach we can take in our careers is the route of radical honesty so that we can foster trust, and safety and be our own best self-advocate.
Radical honesty means being completely transparent about your capabilities and limits. It's about openly communicating when you've taken on too much and need to adjust expectations or ask for help. This was an area where I desperately needed to work through. It was not uncommon for me to take on more than I could manage, I had a hard time saying ‘No’. Oftentimes, you don’t just wake up feeling overwhelmed. It’s the tiny, seemingly innocent demands on your time that add up over time.
The pressure to always say "yes" can lead to burnout, diminished quality of work, and even resentment. Radical honesty allows you the space to set realistic expectations with yourself and others.
Incorporating Radical Honesty
Honest Self-Reflection:
Start with being radically honest with yourself about your feelings, capabilities, and limits. Tune into your body and trust its wisdom. Recognize the signs of overextension and acknowledge when you need a break or support. From there, ask yourself: What do I need? This simple question is a gift as it trains your brain to center and prioritize your needs first before tending to others.
Initiate the Conversation:
When you've taken on too much, approach your supervisor or team with your genuine concerns. It doesn’t have to be immediate, sometimes as an introvert, you might need a bit more processing time before engaging others. Honor that. When you’re ready to have the conversation, use statements like, "I'm committed to delivering my best work, but I've realized that my current workload is unsustainable and may impact the quality. Can we discuss prioritizing tasks or redistributing work?"
Set Boundaries:
Be clear about what you can realistically handle and what you need to do your best work. Remember our definition of boundaries as the guidelines of how to “interact with you in a way that is nurturing, fulfilling, and makes you feel safe”. For example, in my previous role, my employer wanted to transition the entire company from working remotely, back to the office. Knowing working remotely is my absolute non-negotiable, I shared with them, "Considering the ideal environment, I find that working remotely allows me to do my best work and achieve company objectives more impactfully and efficiently. Let's discuss how we can find a mutually beneficial arrangement." Through that conversation, I was able to remain working 100 percent remote, and eventually, the entire office was able to remain working remotely.
When you’re honest with yourself and with others, it encourages others to also openly communicate their limits and needs. By practicing this approach, you not only manage your stress and workload more effectively but also contribute to creating a culture of more trust and support..
Over to you. What do you most feel overwhelmed? How are you able to incorporate radical honesty into how you live and work? Let us know in the comments!