Soft life? For Us, It’s Complicated.
Choosing into a life of ease comes with it's own challenges
Last week, Rachel Cargle had us all abuzz in her latest Op-Ed in the L.A. Times that explores what it means to live a life outside of struggle as Black women. The soft life; the latest buzzing trend on social media. Rachel examines how the quest towards rest and ease (instead of struggle and survival) has been nothing new for Black women.
If you haven’t read it yet, I highly recommend the article (after you’re finished here, of course!) to understand more how this latest discussion is more than just a hashtag for us, but a return to a movement our ancestors have been fighting for throughout the ages.
Reflecting on what it means personally for me to step into softer living, particularly as it relates to work and career, I wonder about the financial implications of this particular lifestyle. While saying No to doing work that is no longer fulfilling does wonders for your mental health, if that same work is what sustains you financially, how does one navigate this? I’ve had several conversations with other Black women about this in the past week alone. Some of whom work a full time job, some who have recently left their job to start their own business and some who are full time self employed. Regardless of profession, it’s a complicated issue that many of us are just beginning to answer for ourselves. Choosing a life of ease and softness while at the same time being firmly steeped in a system that thrives on capitalistic, grind culture presents a constant battle over our souls. And on occasion the system wins.
When I quit a full time job and returned to building my own company, this meant saying No to daily stress, constant overwhelm and unfulfillment. Instead, I turned my attention toward doing work that brings me joy, having more autonomy and spaciousness in how I live and work. The unsettling side of that scenario that I didn’t account for was the constant temptation to go back to what you know. For many of us, the grind is how we pay our bills. That job might suck but at least you know there's a paycheck coming at the end of the day. But shifting away from that system and into something more spacious and new is a radical practice of self love and trust. Choosing ease over survival is something we must return to day after day. Financially, this can look like inviting in new, more empowering ways to sustain ourselves as we choose long term wealth over short term pay.
In Sisters of the Yam, Bell Hooks writes:
“We are only able to make lifestyle choices that enhance well-being and reduce or eliminate debilitating stress if we believe we deserve to live well. Most Black women do not have this sense of “entitlement”. We are not raised to believe that living well is our birthright. Yet, it is. We have to claim this birthright.
Quitting stressful jobs is often easier to do when charting new journeys, finding different maps that if followed, will lead us to those locations of wellness.”
As we move away from just surviving and clamor towards softer living as Black women, we can envision this work as a practice in coming back home to ourselves and creating new pathways forward.
What does living a life of joy and ease look like for you? Where might you find ways to choose outside of survival and practice self love in your career? Let us know in the comments!