I’m in my 40s and I Don’t Know What to Do With My Life(And That’s Not a Crisis)
Maybe the new ambition is about choosing a backyard, a nap schedule, and not needing to perform.
May 18, 2025
🌟 Welcome back to the Dreaming + Doing Sunday Digest, where we gather to restore, reflect, and prepare for the week ahead. Here’s the TL;DR (Too Long; Didn’t Read)
A story about careers at 40, unlearning toxic ambition, and choosing rest over reinvention
A poll on what your career energy is giving this season.
Hiring Trends to Know & Workplace wins and woes
Ask Ariane: What does breaking free from toxic work cultures actually look like?
A Throwback to the five-year plan that looks a little different now.
This week’s Messy Mantra
I turned 40 in the middle of the pandemic—just me, the sun, and the Atlantic at sunrise. I sat on the beach with nowhere to be and no one to impress. Just the waves crashing and the quiet realization that maybe this next chapter wasn’t about becoming more, but becoming free. I didn’t throw a big party (not that I could anyway, ahem, COVID). Didn’t announce a rebrand. I let the tide be my witness and the silence be enough.
For so long, I wore ambition like armor. I came up believing that to make it, you had to grind harder than everyone else. I chased the titles, the security, and the performance of success. And then last year I did something wild: I moved to the suburbs. The ego death was real. I had to grieve the version of me who thought worth only came through doing. I traded subway hustle for walks in the woods, urgency for stillness. And in doing so, I chose a kind of ambition that centers rest, softness, and space.
Over the years, I’ve been noticing a shift—not just in how we work, but in how we want to live. More of us are opting out of the constant hustle and reimagining what ambition looks like. The rise of sabbaticals, polywork, and folks simply using their damn PTO (wild concept, I know) reflects a deep shift: we're not just working differently, we're living differently. Workers who take time off report better mental health, stronger job satisfaction, and fewer regrets at the end of their careers. So if you’re feeling lost, uncertain, or like you’re just not “hungry” the way you used to be, congrats. You might be healing.
I’m not obsessing over a five-year plan right now. I have a backyard, a dog who demands two walks a day, and the audacity to choose ease. If you're in your 40s and asking, What now?—maybe the better question is, What if you already are enough, even when you're not producing? And what could life look like if ambition weren’t a ladder, but a hammock?
Work Culture and Hiring Trends You Should Know
“I felt trapped.” We stand with Cassie Ventura against vicious, controlling predators.
April Curly holds Google accountable — $50 million lawsuit for bias against 4,000+ Black workers.
Careers in your 40s — join me (and my therapist) for my first Substack Live this Thursday!
A Throwback: The Five-Year Plan That Got Left on Read
Remember when we all had one? That glossy five-year plan—full of promotions, dream cities, side hustles turned empires. We pitched it in interviews like we had it all mapped out. But life had edits. Detours and No’s that became hard lessons.
Now in our 40s, that old plan might not fit anymore—and honestly, thank God.
What if not knowing what’s next isn’t failure, but freedom?
Ask Ariane: What Does It Actually Mean to Break Free from Toxic Work Culture?
Someone asked me this recently, and whew—what a question. I had to share my answer here:
Breaking free doesn’t mean finding more ways to “cope” with dysfunction. It means naming it, challenging it, and refusing to internalize it.
It means calling out recruiters who ghost candidates. Pushing for transparency—like exit interview data and real-time feedback from current employees (because Glassdoor ain’t cutting it). And yes, requiring leaders to do the inner work so they’re not trauma-dumping on their teams.
Most professional development teaches us how to endure. I want us to learn how to disrupt and rebuild.
Join me for#AskAriane Office Hours LIVE this Thursday! Upgrade to Paid if you want in.
Messy Mantra for the Week (because healing is not linear)
That’s it for this week! If you enjoyed this, hit subscribe, and I’ll see you next week. Until then: you are enough. Always. ✨
Ariane
Book Me to Speak:
My talks challenge how we define work, urging us to unhook our worth from our jobs, question the “normal” work culture habits that keep us stuck, and expand our vision beyond corporate limits. I bring an informed, no-nonsense perspective rooted in 15 years of experience in career consulting, social impact and advocacy. As the author of Dreaming on Purpose, the Black woman’s career guide to building a liberated career without sacrificing her soul, I help audiences navigate career transitions with clarity, confidence, and ease. Hire me for keynotes, to facilitate powerful conversations and/or host fireside chats. To book me for your next event, reply to this email or visit:https://www.arianehunter.com/speaking.